I think the nicest mean thing I have been called is “selfish.”
When I tell people that I don’t want to have children, they usually look at me with disapproval before asking, “Why?” — with more disbelief than curiosity. Sometimes, if I’m really lucky, they will tell me how and why all childfree people are wrong. They won’t refer to me specifically, as in why I (Isabel) am wrong. No, instead they will generalize. It’s more polite that way.
I recently got back on the dating horse. After 4 or 5 months of “Please leave me the fuck alone. I am really, really not interested. Really,” I decided to slowly open the doors to emotional availability again.
As soon as the door was ajar, I felt overwhelmed.
I wasn’t too vocal about my choice of living a childfree lifestyle up until a couple of years ago. I will admit that part of the reason I was so quiet about it was that I felt ashamed. I thought there had to be something very wrong with me that led me to believe that I didn’t want to become a mother, so I was denying that part of myself the right to let loose and express freely.
“I think the author is a bit defensive about her choice to not have children.”
“The author sounds so bitter, like she needs to defend herself for being childfree.”
“Why is the author so angry? There is no need to be SO defensive!”
I listen to music all day, every day. It doesn’t matter where I am, what I’m doing or what mood I’m in, music is everything to me. I have a couple of playlists that I created for specific occasions, but I wanted to make a childfree playlist for those moments when I need to get a boost of that “fuck, yeah!” feeling about my chosen lifestyle.
You can find the full playlist here:
I once told my Childfree Girls co-founding non-mothers that arguing with people who identify themselves as “pro-life” is pointless. It was in a moment when I was in the middle of a discussion with someone else who had been going around in circles for a while, and I was tired and angry that some people not only still think it’s OK to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies but are also very supportive of heavy legal regulation in this matter.
While this person and I were discussing rape, birth control, and abstinence, I noticed he kept pulling the conversation back to a point where he could argue one more time that “zygotes and fetuses are also human beings; therefore, abortion is murder.”
Nobody should have to experience the feeling that comes with having to live a life that has not been chosen by you.
If you’re a woman, you might have felt that you don’t have the “right” to ask for anything beyond what will allow you to occupy your rightful place in society:
The Super Bowl Halftime Show has stirred a big ol’ pot of controversy. My feeds are filled with comments for and against Shakira and JLo’s performance this past Sunday, Feb 2nd. I have seen a myriad of posts celebrating and elevating, and a lot more that are shaming and judging the two artists.
Last November I bought one of those DNA kits that have been around for a few years, now. Like most people who spit in a small plastic tube and mail it for analysis, I wanted to learn more about my DNA ancestry composition. As a latinx woman, I was certain I would find a combination of European, Native American, and African DNA in my blood.
And that was the case. But the results got me thinking.
More than occasionally, enough times for it to be incredibly irritating, someone will roll their eyes (literally or figuratively) at someone talking about being childfree–whether it’s about their struggles with it or their excitement about it. This blog post explains, from each of our perspectives, why those people are wrong, why we personally talk about it, and why we think others should, too.