The three of us sat at our computers, me in Canada, Kristen in the U.S, and Isabel in Colombia. We went over some business before welcoming our guest on screen. I had prepared only one question, as I wanted to see where the conversation was going to go. In hindsight, it would have been more effective to pull out my childhood Bible.
In Isabel’s latest post for “Behind the Scenes,” she makes an important observation: “If you [women] want to work in a traditionally male-dominated industry or occupy a traditionally male role, you are asked, ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’”
No one asks this to women’s faces. That would be rude. But I did find the following comments about working women shared online:
I once told my Childfree Girls co-founding non-mothers that arguing with people who identify themselves as “pro-life” is pointless. It was in a moment when I was in the middle of a discussion with someone else who had been going around in circles for a while, and I was tired and angry that some people not only still think it’s OK to tell women what they can or cannot do with their bodies but are also very supportive of heavy legal regulation in this matter.
While this person and I were discussing rape, birth control, and abstinence, I noticed he kept pulling the conversation back to a point where he could argue one more time that “zygotes and fetuses are also human beings; therefore, abortion is murder.”
A woman in Atlanta who knew she had a 50/50 chance of passing her own childhood eye cancer onto her offspring gave birth to three children, anyway.
All three have eye cancer. One of them started chemotherapy at a week old.
Somehow, acts like this – and they’re not rare – haven’t managed to garner the rallying “you’re selfish” chant the way choosing not to have children, which by definition hurts not a single soul, has.
“Oh, that mom wasn’t selfish,” someone who’s wrong might argue. “There was no guarantee her kids would get cancer, after all.”
To some, the childfree lifestyle looks empty and meaningless. Cars, cash, trips, sleep.
“I wouldn’t trade my child for any of these things.” “If only I had kids instead of being regretfully childless in my 40s.” These are sentiments echoed in articles and comments shared across social media in attempts to warn those of us who remain kid-free. The issue I have with these types of statements is that the approach is from a superficial standpoint.
Nobody should have to experience the feeling that comes with having to live a life that has not been chosen by you.
If you’re a woman, you might have felt that you don’t have the “right” to ask for anything beyond what will allow you to occupy your rightful place in society:
I recently had a short Twitter discussion with Stefan Molyneaux that revealed: 1. all women but “his” women are fair targets, and 2. the reason he won’t come on our show. (Scared, you might reasonably think, but he had another reason.) It all began like this:
The Super Bowl Halftime Show has stirred a big ol’ pot of controversy. My feeds are filled with comments for and against Shakira and JLo’s performance this past Sunday, Feb 2nd. I have seen a myriad of posts celebrating and elevating, and a lot more that are shaming and judging the two artists.
We all deserve to feel significant. To feel that we’ve done something or created something that contributes to the world in a positive way. Most people I know feel significant because they are raising kids. I’ve heard many people say they don’t know what they would do if they didn’t have children. As if to say they didn’t take the time to explore what they want outside of societal expectations.
As a childfree person who is also a writer, I was eager and curious when I saw that Marcia Drut-Davis – another childfree person & writer – had a new book out.
I went directly to Amazon, found her title, clicked “Look Inside,” and started reading. After a few paragraphs, I felt like she was speaking directly to me, but in the worst possible way.